dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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