So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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