I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
