He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
