another moral hangover. fuck.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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