I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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