He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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