I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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