When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
