i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When are your genitals available?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
