My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
