My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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