You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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