I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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