I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
