Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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