Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
