he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
