I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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