i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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