I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
