he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
