Screwed.edu
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
