I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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