But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
