Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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