You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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