We're facebook friends in real life
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
