Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
