i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
