i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was like eating out sand paper
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
