i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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