Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
