Non-Jews are for practice
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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