We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
