just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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