just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
