You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
