there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
