That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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