do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You ruined the universe
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
