God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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