i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
