Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
