If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
