that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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