At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
