I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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