it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
