yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
