they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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