very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
