Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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