do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
