I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
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She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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