Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
