Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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