3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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