dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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