Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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