Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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