thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
