she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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