Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
