This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
