You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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