She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
